The holidays are once again upon us. Everywhere we turn we are reminded that ‘tis the season to give, give, give. Consumerism is highlighted on every billboard, decorated in every shop window, and flashed on every television commercial. If we are living in a material world, as Madonna so poignantly sang to us, how do we give responsibly in a material world?

Togetherness. Tradition. This is what we truly long for. What do you remember most about your childhood holidays? Was it the gifts you received? Or was it the time spent with family and friends? This year, take time to make traditions your family will look forward to each winter. Decorate the house. Bake cookies or find special recipes that you only break out this time of year. Visit a nursing home to sing carols. Have a snow football game in the backyard or a family game night. Take a drive to look at holiday decorations. Invite the neighbors to light candles with your family. Make memories.

Research shows that things do not bring us happiness. Gratitude does. Instead of over-emphasizing the gift-giving aspect of the holidays, choose to focus on the special people in your life. Showing love and appreciation for others does not have to deplete your savings account. Write a heartfelt note of thanks to your child’s teacher or coach. Go out of your way to say thank you to the mail carrier and garbage collector. Bring a plate of cookies to the crossing guard who always makes sure your child arrives home safely. Model gratitude for your children – this will pay off when they catch on that thanking you for your efforts puts a smile on your face, too. Remember: it is not happy people who are thankful, but thankful people who are happy.

It is obviously not reasonable, however, to expect that you will neither give nor receive any gifts. Grandma and Grandpa want to buy their grandchildren presents. Let them! It brings them joy! This year, consider asking relatives to give the gift of their time. Perhaps they could purchase a museum membership for your whole family or tickets to a sporting event or theatre production to experience with the kids. An aunt or uncle could commit to taking the kids on a monthly movie date. Some families choose to make donations to charities in each other’s honor. If you know that your relatives feel compelled to buy your children toys, think about asking your children to collect some items beforehand that they are no longer using to donate to those in need.

Most of all, remember your goals. What do you want to teach your children? It could be a feeling of gratitude, the importance of family time, service to others, or simply the joy of giving another person a carefully selected heartfelt gift. There are many ways to give. Choose the ones that best suit you and your family. Happy holidays!

Family Service of Glencoe supports clients by submitting insurance for counseling services on their behalf. Our agency has recently become an in-network PPO provider through Blue Cross Blue Shield. We hope that this will allow more individuals and families to access treatment affordably. For all other insurances, we will continue to submit billing as an out-of-network provider.

For additional information about billing, please email our business manager at alicja@familyserviceofglencoe.org

September is National Recovery Month. Results from the 2013 National Survey on Drug Use and Health showed that approximately 21.6 million people age 12 or older were classified with a substance dependence or misuse disorder. Seeking help can be challenging, especially when people fear discrimination and often feel isolated and alone.

FSG believes that recovery is possible. Let’s stand with our family members, friends and neighbors who are struggling with addiction so they become aware that they are not alone in their efforts. The right support system can help ensure that those in need are addressing the following four key aspects of recovery.

• Health: The person learns to overcome or manage his or her condition(s) or symptom(s)—and make informed, healthy choices that support physical and emotional well-being.
• Home: It is also important to have a stable and safe place to live.
• Purpose: A person in recovery participates in meaningful daily activities, such as a job, school, volunteer opportunities, family caretaking, or creative endeavors, and has the independence, income, and resources to participate in society.
• Community: Relationships and social networks should provide support, friendship, love, and hope.

A new SMART Recovery group is forming  in Glencoe. The group has no labels and can help with any addictive behavior that one would like to see changed. For more information about SMART Recovery or individual/family counseling, please email Julie at Julie@familyserviceofglencoe.org.

You and your preschooler are enjoying a beautiful summer day at the park or the beach. She sees some friends from school and excitedly runs over to join them. As they play, you observe another child snatch a swing out of your daughter’s hands. Your child is told she can’t play with the group. Is this bullying?

A spate of recent articles tells us that bullying is happening at younger and younger ages. In fact, there’s even a new term for it: relational aggression. Social scientists define relational aggression as physical or psychological acts that are intentionally harmful, usually involving an imbalance of power. Two boys fighting over a swing who end up in a tug-of-war? That’s most likely healthy conflict that happens in parks and preschools everywhere. Young children are impulsive and active. Fights over playground equipment are typical behaviors, and kids learn how to problem solve, take turns and compromise through these types of everyday conflicts. When the intent is to exclude, humiliate or harm a child, it is defined as bullying.

Isn’t bullying an “older” kid problem? Not necessarily. Psychologists and researchers are noticing that children as young as age three can be involved in bullying behaviors. How can young children learn this kind of behavior? Experts believe a number of factors are responsible. Television programs are rich in rude behavior and disrespectful language. Making fun of others passes for entertainment in some shows. Another factor, experts say, is that young children often imitate behaviors they’ve observed. If children see parents, siblings or friends acting as bullies, they might try it out for themselves.

What can parents do to support and protect their kids? Observe your child when he plays at the park or beach. Find out what is happening – is the conflict simply two kids that want the same toy at the same time? Or is one child trying to exclude or harm another? Give your child some tools to use when told she can’t play. Using words to say, “I don’t like that” or “stop it” can sometimes be enough. Ignoring the bully can also be effective. Telling an adult should always be an option for young children.

What are some signs that your child might be the victim of bullying? Some children don’t want to go to school or activities that they’ve previously enjoyed. Other kids complain about stomach aches or headaches prior to school or a playdate that may be stressful. Some children become more withdrawn, or will verbalize that someone is bothering them.

Parents should also consider if their child’s behavior is bullying. Does your child have little empathy for other children’s feelings? Is she aggressive toward children and adults most of the time? Does he want to be in control all the time or feel that he’s always right? Remember, all young children demonstrate these traits given certain situations. If your son or daughter seems locked in to this kind of behavior and you feel it is a pattern, or if you’re getting feedback from teachers and other parents, it could be time to reach out to a professional. FSG offers Parent Consultations to help you evaluate behavior and address your concerns. For more information, contact kathy@familyserviceofglencoe.org.

Going away to overnight camp is a rite of passage for many kids. And while many children eagerly look forward to this time away from home each summer, other kids may find it to be emotionally overwhelming.

Making new friends and fitting in socially, being homesick and coping away from the support of Mom and Dad are typical concerns. Reassuring your child that their apprehensive thoughts are normal is a great place to start.

For kids who are planning on attending sleep-away camp for the first time there are some things you can do ahead of time to help prepare them to ensure they have a fun and enjoyable experience their first time away. The following are tips from FSG therapist, Kathy Livingston, LCSW:

Begin with practice sleepovers.

Choose a relative, family friend or your child’s best friend’s house to help your child adapt to being away from home at night. Many kids have never had to share a bedroom before and at camp will have to share a cabin with several other children. Consider planning a slumber party to expose them to how group living may feel.

Review the camp’s brochure or website.

Or even better yet, visit the camp itself. Fear of the unknown is terrifying for many first-time campers. Let them see what the camp looks like and where important things like the dining hall, bathrooms and bunks are all located. The more familiar your camper is with the setting and schedule the more he will know what to expect.

What if I start to miss Mom and Dad?

Make sure your child knows whom she can talk to if she’s feeling blue or homesick. Counselors are on hand to help kids with these normal feelings and many camps have a social worker on staff.

Get them involved in the packing.

Work off the list provided by the camp and make sure that clothes have been worn and washed and are comfortable. If your child is attached to a sentimental item, such as a stuffed animal or blanket, let them bring it along.

Teach your child how to handle clothes and toiletries.

Explain what to do with dirty laundry. Show them how to carry their toiletries to the bathroom in a basket. Keep toiletries and belongings simple and easy to use.

Meet other kids before camp.

If you know other kids in your area that are going to the camp, have a get together prior to camp. If you don’t know anyone ask the camp if there are kids going from neighboring communities and call them to meet them before camp starts. Having at least one familiar face in a sea of strangers can be incredibly comforting.

Connect through letters and care packages.

Write a letter ahead of time so there is a letter waiting for them when they arrive at camp. And always respond to their letters and send care packages in a timely manner, so that your child is never left waiting while children around them receive letters and packages. When packing, be sure to include stamps, stationery and envelopes for your child to use to keep in touch. And if email is an option, use it! Each camp will have its own communication guidelines and protocol.

Stay positive.

Despite feeling your own anxiety over the separation never discuss how much your child will be missed back home. Children take direction from their parents’ confidence, so you don’t want them to feel that you are anxious, too. Keep your conversations positive and express enthusiasm and confidence in you your child and excitement for them to experience a new environment and make new friends. Share your own experiences from camp if relevant.

While anxious now, your camper will likely be singing a different song and dance after their summer camp experience and come home with a new sense of independence.

Looking for more advice on helping your new camper adjust and feel at ease about their upcoming summer adventure? Kathy is happy to offer additional help and guidance. For more information, contact Kathy at kathy@familyserviceofglencoe.org or by calling 847-835-5111.