Navigating Trauma with Children by Alex Ochoa, LCSW

As we approach the first anniversary of the Highland Park shooting, we want parents to feel equipped with the knowledge and tools to help their children navigate stressors and trauma; whether it’s directly experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event or hearing about it from someone close to them. Initial reactions to trauma can include exhaustion, confusion, sadness, anxiety, agitation, numbness, confusion, and withdrawal, among other emotions. These reactions are not only present right after the traumatic event. In many cases, these reactions may appear weeks, months, or even years after the event has occurred. It is especially important for parents and caregivers to be conscious of their own reactions and to process through them. This will allow parents to be able to also manage their children’s reactions. 

Parents and caregivers, it’s important to check in with kids, especially if you notice the following signs:  

  • Worry 
  • Anxiety 
  • Sadness 
  • Avoidance 
  • Changes in appetite/sleep 
  • Changes in mood 
  • Anger outbursts  

If you notice these symptoms or changes, find a quiet moment to ask your child how they are feeling or whether there is anything on their mind. Let them know you’ve noticed that something is going on and that you want to help. If you suspect a connection to a current or past event, it’s ok to ask them if they might have thoughts or feelings about it that they need to talk about.  

When engaging in conversation with your children, tailor your answers to your child’s developmental level. Younger children may need simple, concrete explanations, while older children may require more detail. Be honest but avoid overwhelming them with information they may not be ready to handle. For younger children, you may need to repeat your answers multiple times, keep it consistent, and answer their question as many times as needed. Validate their feelings and encourage them to express their emotions and thoughts, acknowledging their fears and concerns. Let them know that it is normal to feel scared or worried. Discuss safety measures in place at their school, community, or public spaces. Reassure your child that many people work hard to keep them safe. Encourage your children to practice deep breathing exercises or to engage in an activity that they enjoy.  

Sometimes, adults are surprised that kids bring up questions and memories of an event year after year. For some children, hearing the same story over and over can help them develop a feeling of mastery over it and helps them place the event firmly in the past and not as something currently happening. For other kids and teens, they need new answers as they develop intellectually and emotionally. What worked when they were younger may not work for them as they mature.  

Celebrating Holidays with Sensitivity: Prioritize open and honest discussions about holiday celebrations. Let your child express any fears or concerns they may have and involve them in planning decisions. Ensure your child feels safe during holiday celebrations. Consider hosting smaller gatherings or celebrating within familiar settings to minimize stress and anxiety. Engage in activities that foster connection and emotional healing, such as creating gratitude journals, making crafts, or volunteering as a family for a charitable cause. If your child’s trauma symptoms persist or worsen during holidays, consider seeking guidance from a mental health professional who specializes in working with children. 

Remember that trauma reactions can vary in everyone; what affects one child may not affect another. By recognizing the signs of trauma, answering difficult questions with sensitivity, and adapting holiday celebrations accordingly, you can provide vital support and help your child navigate their healing journey.  

Stress Awareness: It’s okay to feel stressed by David Temple, Clinical Intern

During my time at Family Service of Glencoe as a Clinical Social Work Intern, I learned so much about stress awareness in myself and in my clients. After the last three years, it feels like the word “stress” is everywhere and on everyone’s minds; and some might argue the entire world needs a week off to de-stress. Social media plasters stress awareness memes and videos with encouraging words of “breathe” or “do yoga,” which can instead become a reminder that you’re stressed and don’t have time to de-stress. We are very aware of stress; however, not everyone is aware that it is okay to feel stressed.  It is important to feel all the emotions that come with stress: anger, tiredness, sadness, frustration, annoyance, burned out, grumpy, hurt, confused, panic, and more. When we tell ourselves we shouldn’t be stressed or just need to make it through one more meeting, one more kid’s birthday party, one more thing before I can relax; we are pushing aside our feelings and increasing the reaction that we may experience. I tell the kids I work with that there is a lightning bolt in them and that bolt is coming out one way or another, but they get to decide if it’s a flash of light or a sharp bolt that hurts. Acknowledging your awareness of stress is giving yourself permission to feel how your mind and body are doing and to decide if you take a moment to de-stress or push it aside and wait until the stress becomes painful.

Completing graduate school and a clinical internship in two semesters was me asking for a giant lightning bolt in many ways; however, during my time at FSG, I was able to learn how to be a clinical therapist from some of the most amazing therapists I have met. The team at FSG modeled for me how to manage my own stress and to pause and give thought to why I was feeling stressed and what I could do to ease that stress. Often it was taking a walk around downtown or to the beach to clear my mind and get into a different environment. Sometimes, I was prompted to do yoga and take a deep breath or do mindful meditation. The greatest lesson I was given during my internship was to pause and sit with my stress and really process what I was feeling and what my mind and body needed at that moment. My own stress awareness resulted in me realizing, multiple times, that I needed to take a lunch break as a form of self-care! I was able to take this lesson on awareness and share it with my clients, guiding them through processing their own stress. I was given a piece of advice recently: ground yourself in empathy for yourself. That’s the message I want to share: to give yourself empathy and recognize your stress is your body and mind telling you that it’s okay to feel this way and that pausing for just a moment, even thirty seconds, will make a difference between a flash of lightning and a sharp bolt of lightning.

National Volunteer Week – Karen Rogatz, Benefit Chairperson

In recognition of National Volunteer Month, and in anticipation of our upcoming Benefit, Glencoe Under the Stars, Family Service of Glencoe (“FSG”) is proud to highlight one its most dedicated volunteers:  Karen Rogatz, Benefit Chair and Board of Directors member.

When Karen and her family moved to Glencoe in 2017, she began planting roots with volunteer opportunities that aligned with her passion for helping children living through traumas.

As a well-respected real estate professional, now working at the esteemed Jennings on the Park brokerage right here in downtown Glencoe, she wanted to use her role as a trusted neighbor in the community for good.

Volunteerism and philanthropy have always been woven into the fabric of Karen’s life, first as a “Big Sister” for the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization during her college years.  During this time, Karen forged trusted relationships through mentorship with local at-risk youth.

Upon moving to Glencoe, Karen kicked into high gear with volunteering, first at the YWCA in Evanston, working in their domestic violence program.  It was there that she earned her Domestic Violence Training certification after a 40-hour study, educating her in domestic violence prevention and intervention.

During the Winter of 2022, Karen was introduced to FSG by a colleague serving on the Board and found instant connection and synergy with her interests and philanthropic goals.  Most notably, Karen was drawn to FSG by their unique partnership with Glencoe Public Safety, which provides a social worker to accompany officers on crisis calls to help stabilize and de-escalate domestic situations.  This resonated deeply with her prior experience and interest supporting families in domestic violences crises, and she was proud to live in and support a community vested in providing the highest and broadest level of support to its residents.  For Karen, the greatest testament to FSG’s invaluable services are the testimonials she’s heard around the community from friends who have utilized FSG and give thanks for the services and resources provided.  “I know several people in the community who sought support during difficult times, and they were all immensely grateful to have this resource in our community.  FSG truly made a difference for them and their families.”

Karen quickly submitted her application to join the Board of Directors after seeing the impact FSG had on her community and with its strong alignment to her philanthropic interests.  She joined the Fundraising committee and was then asked to be the chairperson for FSG’s annual Benefit, Glencoe Under the Stars, taking place on May 20, 2023 at Northmoor Country Club in Highland Park.

Glencoe Under the Stars is FSG’s largest fundraiser of the year and is an opportunity to not only raise crucial funds for the organization but also to educate the community on FSG’s services and welcome new community members to opportunities within the organization.

This special evening will be held under a tent with views of Northmoor’s beautiful grounds and will feature chef-curated food stations, dancing, silent and live auctions, paddle raise, and an inspirational keynote message from Cynthia Vargas, the City of Highland Park’s Resiliency Division Manager.

With help from funds raised at this event, FSG can continue to offer and expand programming and services, including private counseling, support groups, Vibrant Living senior discussion groups, senior adult support and case management, youth and family outreach, scholarship assessment, and 24/7 crisis intervention calls partnered with Glencoe Public Safety as well as continuing to offer counseling to all those affected by the tragedy in Highland Park on July 4, 2022 – regardless of ability to pay. The need is great, but so is our community’s commitment to supporting everyone throughout Glencoe and neighboring communities.  For tickets, sponsorship opportunities, and to participate in our exciting auction, please visit www.glencoeunderthestars.org.

We invite you to join Karen and others from your community, whether by attending the event, bidding on auction items, or finding your own niche within the organization through volunteerism.  All are invited and encouraged to attend and get involved!  Our volunteers are comprised of a cross section of the village. This diversity is a great opportunity to meet new people, and when these connections happen, it further strengthens the resiliency and well-being of our community.

For more information on the services FSG provides or opportunities to get involved, contact Family Service of Glencoe at (847) 835-5111.

Counseling Awareness Month – Shining Our Spotlight on Cindy Brunson, LPC, FSG Staff Therapist

April is Counseling Awareness Month, and in honor of this important recognition, FSG is proud to highlight one of its longest tenured staff therapists:  Cindy Brunson, LPC.

Cindy has been with FSG for almost 22 years, providing invaluable support to our community through her work in crisis response, domestic violence de-escalation, family dynamics, and child advocacy.

After earning a BA from DePaul University, Cindy went on to a successful career at Boeing before finding her true calling as a Counselor.  After always being the person those close to her would lean on for a sympathetic ear when times were difficult, she developed a strong interest in social injustices and wanting to be instrumental in contributing to healthier families and children.  Subsequently, Cindy joined CASA (Court-Appointed Special Advocates) in Cook County and was appointed by a judge to manage casework for at-risk juveniles.  Through this work, Cindy worked closely with the local judiciary as well as agencies, such as DCFS, to provide drug and alcohol support, eye exams for kids, food support, and many other necessary services to better the lives of families and children, eventually developing to become a trainer for CASA.  Feeling a strong calling for the need for this imperative work in Lake County, Cindy met with women from the northern suburbs who together, with the help of a Lake County judge, started CASA Lake County.

With the encouragement of colleagues and assistance of a generous tuition reimbursement program from Boeing, Cindy earned her Master of Arts in Community Counseling from Argosy University.  Counseling seemed a natural fit with her interest in human behavior, and she knew she wanted to do something, despite the winding path.

Cindy was introduced to the acting Executive Director of Family Service of Glencoe in 2001, and an instant connection of shared interests was made.  FSG created a role for Cindy in support and life coaching, with Cindy also facilitating a psycho-education group for domestic violence offenders.  This group proved to be so impactful that YWCA offered their resources and invited her to continue the program with their collaboration.  This program continues today.

Cindy’s practice focuses on domestic violence and family/relationship dynamics.  She understands that communication can create tensions and misunderstandings within relationships, and that it can be challenging, especially for women, to have a voice in their relationships.  Many struggle with their identity and role within the family as they navigate careers, parenting, and seeking equality while coping with loneliness and possible dissatisfaction.  Cindy stresses that each of us has a responsibility for our own happiness, and that our needs and goals need to be heard and pursued.  She does not subscribe to any one specific modality of therapy but rather roots her practice in the philosophy that no two clients are alike but that everyone needs to be heard and given direct support.  She provides an opportunity for people who are feeling stuck, unsatisfied, or have experienced tragedy to be heard, respected, and provided direct guidance by someone who is emotionally invested in their journey and well-being.  In many cases, families may not live near each other, and counseling is a wonderful resource for those who are not close to their family or friends to have a trusted support system.  Cindy dedicates herself to the serious work of examining her clients’ needs, setting goals and objectives, and empowering her clients to open themselves to the process.  She’s gratified by watching her clients evolve over time from confusion and loss of confidence to realization and empowerment:  like a caterpillar in a cocoon to a butterfly taking flight.

Cindy is proud to be part of the FSG clinical staff, one she describes as an amazing group of people who are like-minded and committed to providing a safe place to come when life hands us curves.  She is also a proud contributor to the crisis response team at FSG, which started as a unique offering to the Glencoe community.  FSG is compassionate to our senior residents, families, children, and comprised of people who truly care about Glencoe and its people; the commitment is genuine, and FSG provides resources to find relief and healing.

FSG is immensely grateful for Cindy’s depth of talent and compassion and invites anyone in need of support to call today to begin your journey to fulfillment, safety, and growth.

Empowering Women in Relationships by Joan Merlo, LCSW, FSG Staff Therapist

As a psychotherapist for over thirty years, one of the areas of my work closest to my heart is that of partnering with female clients to facilitate their growth in self-awareness, self-understanding, and self-empathy. These are fundamental elements necessary to becoming more empowered, self-determined, and authentic in all of our relationships, yet I know well from my own life journey and my years of training and experience how easy it is for women to overlook and neglect our own essential needs by becoming over-extended in caring for others.  Many of the women I work with struggle mightily to balance the demands of their myriad and competing roles, such as busy “supermom,” loving partner/spouse or single mother, devoted daughter to aging parents, supportive friend, and collaborative colleague at work, to name a few. My clients come to therapy often feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, burned out, and guilty, sensing that in spite of all they do, something is missing. It is often both surprising and healing for them to begin to understand that what is missing is not that they haven’t done enough for others but rather they have forgotten to nurture and prioritize their most important relationship: the one with themselves! To begin to address this, they need to learn to first center in their own body, mind, and spirit as the foundation for being able to mindfully care for anyone else. It takes awareness, insight, intentionality, and empathic support to confront one’s part in participating in dysfunctional patterns of relating, to make the decision to change, and to develop the courage and sense of agency to follow through.

 

The following are some steps to help begin that process:

 

  1. Schedule yourself to take several 15 or 20 minute breaks every day to do some deep breathing and self-reflection, centering mindfully in your thoughts and feelings.
  2. Take your needs and personal goals seriously and make them a priority. Journal about them and/or discuss them with someone you trust as steps toward finding your “voice” and communicating more effectively.
  3. Pay attention to your feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression as messages, not that you are deficient, but that you need to attend to something which affects your well-being.
  4. Be aware of and take care of your physical needs, such as eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep.
  5. Learn and practice the fine art of saying ”No” or “Let me think about that and get back to you” before committing your precious time and energy to requests for your help.
  6. Learn to delegate and share in tasks at home and work, rather than over-functioning, asserting that only you can do things perfectly.
  7. Identify life-giving and empowering relationships and activities, including therapy (if needed), and choose to spend time in ways which lift you up and support you.

Spotlight on Joan Merlo, LCSW, FSG Staff Therapist

In recognition of International Women’s Day on March 8, we are honored to shine our spotlight on Joan Merlo, LCSW, FSG Staff Therapist, and highlight the inspiring work she does empowering women through her counseling at FSG.

Joan has been on staff at FSG since 2000, along with maintaining her personal practice as a social worker for the past 33 years.  Joan earned her MSW from Loyola University School of Social Work, where she has also served as a field instructor training social work interns.  Along with her counseling practice at FSG, she also facilitates our Vibrant Living Senior Discussion Group, which meets monthly.

Along with being a general social work practitioner with men, women, and children, Joan has a special interest and background in working with women as they address periods of change and challenge in their lives and relationships, including marital, parenting, and work struggles. Her approach is relational and collaborative and is grounded not only in her education and years of professional work but also very much in her personal life journey and her experience as a mother of three adult children and grandmother of seven.

Joan emphasizes the need for women to prioritize self-awareness and self-care as essential for their own personal growth and fulfillment and as the necessary foundational “first step” in being able to mindfully and wholeheartedly care for all others.

Empowering Women in Relationships, by Joan Merlo, LCSW

As a psychotherapist for over thirty years, one of the areas of my work closest to my heart is that of partnering with female clients to facilitate their growth in self-awareness, self-understanding, and self-empathy. These are fundamental elements necessary to becoming more empowered, self-determined, and authentic in all of our relationships, yet I know well from my own life journey and my years of training and experience how easy it is for women to overlook and neglect our own essential needs by becoming over-extended in caring for others.  Many of the women I work with struggle mightily to balance the demands of their myriad and competing roles, such as busy “supermom,” loving partner/spouse or single mother, devoted daughter to aging parents, supportive friend, and collaborative colleague at work, to name a few. My clients come to therapy often feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, burned out, and guilty, sensing that in spite of all they do, something is missing. It is often both surprising and healing for them to begin to understand that what is missing is not that they haven’t done enough for others but rather they have forgotten to nurture and prioritize their most important relationship: the one with themselves! To begin to address this, they need to learn to first center in their own body, mind, and spirit as the foundation for being able to mindfully care for anyone else. It takes awareness, insight, intentionality, and empathic support to confront one’s part in participating in dysfunctional patterns of relating, to make the decision to change, and to develop the courage and sense of agency to follow through.

 

The following are some steps to help begin that process:

 

  1. Schedule yourself to take several 15 or 20 minute breaks every day to do some deep breathing and self-reflection, centering mindfully in your thoughts and feelings.
  2. Take your needs and personal goals seriously and make them a priority. Journal about them and/or discuss them with someone you trust as steps toward finding your “voice” and communicating more effectively.
  3. Pay attention to your feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression as messages, not that you are deficient, but that you need to attend to something which affects your well-being.
  4. Be aware of and take care of your physical needs, such as eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep.
  5. Learn and practice the fine art of saying ”No” or “Let me think about that and get back to you” before committing your precious time and energy to requests for your help.
  6. Learn to delegate and share in tasks at home and work, rather than over-functioning, asserting that only you can do things perfectly.
  7. Identify life-giving and empowering relationships and activities, including therapy (if needed), and choose to spend time in ways which lift you up and support you.

 

Joan is currently accepting new clients.  For more information or to schedule an appointment, please call (847) 835-5111.

National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month by Tara Bagnola, LCSW, FSG Staff Therapist

February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month (TDVAM).  This is an issue that impacts everyone – not just teens – but also their parents, teachers, friends, and communities.  Together, we can raise awareness about teen dating violence and promote safe, healthy relationships.

Dating abuse is a pattern of coercive, intimidating, or manipulative behaviors used to exert power and control over a partner.  The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports an estimated 1 in 3 high school relationships involve some sort of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, and findings from The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (2010) indicate 1 in 5 women and nearly 1 in 7 men who ever experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner first experienced some form of intimate partner violence between 11 and 17 years of age.

Parents are in a unique position to provide support for young people that may be experiencing dating abuse, as well as for individuals choosing to cause harm.

Here some ways you can support your child:

  • Familiarize yourself with the potential warning signs of dating abuse (https://www.loveisrespect.org/dating-basics-for-healthy-relationships/warning-signs-of-abuse/) as well as the spectrum of behaviors in relationships (https://www.loveisrespect.org/everyone-deserves-a-healthy-relationship/relationship-spectrum/).
  • Model respectful communication, healthy boundaries, and appropriate conflict resolution at home – relationships with parents and primary caregivers teach us what to expect and how we should interact with the people we care about.
  • Cultivate a relationship built on empathy, mutual trust, and genuine curiosity about your child’s perspectives and experiences – this creates a safe space for them to access love and support, especially during times of stress.
  • Be prepared to listen non-judgmentally, share specific examples that illustrate your concerns, and ask open-ended questions during these conversations.
  • Focus on the abusive or unhealthy behaviors rather than the person(s) involved – recognize that your child may still have complicated feelings for the individual that harmed them, and your reactions, while valid, may make it more difficult for them to prioritize their own.
  • Avoid lecturing, accusing, and shaming or blaming responses – these reactions are often experienced as a punishment, which negatively impacts trust, discourages honesty, and complicates future attempts at accessing support.
  • Decide on next steps together – parents can help identify options that prioritize safety and emotional well-being but should not give ultimatums about the relationship.

 

This article is adapted by Tara Bagnola, LCSW, FSG Staff Therapist, from Love Is Respect Parent Guide. Additional resources can be found at https://www.loveisrespect.org/wp-content/uploads/media/sites/3/2021/09/Parent-Guide-2021_TAF_love-is-respect.pdf

https://www.loveisrespect.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Parent-toolkit.pdf

Pride Month by Tara Bagnola, LCSW, Staff Therapist

In the course of my work as a therapist, I’ve had the opportunity to witness the multitude of ways people can show up for one another, especially within a family. I’m often reminded of one of my mom’s favorite adages: “parenting doesn’t come with a manual.” Each of us simply does our best to navigate the wonderful complexities that accompany parenthood with the tools we have available. Just as we may not always know what our crying newborn needs to be soothed, it’s not always clear how to support your child in exactly the way they need. For families with gender expansive or queer kids, that can sometimes feel like an even more nebulous challenge. The good news, however, is research indicates that the single most important thing parents can do for their child, regardless of their gender expression or sexual identity, is allow them to be exactly who they are. Recognizing that this may be simpler in theory than practice and will likely look different across families, here are a few practices you can utilize to create an atmosphere of support for the gender expansive or queer youth in your life:

 

  • Don’t make parenting decisions from a place of fear. Instead, take steps to explore and confront your own anxieties about your child’s identity. Reflect on opportunities for you to demonstrate acceptance rather than a wish to change – even when it comes from a place of love or protection.
  • Embrace the fluidity and dynamism that often accompanies exploration of sexual identity or gender expression. Recognizing that this is likely an ongoing process, and allowing our kids the freedom to not fit neatly into any category while they’re learning about themselves is an invaluable way to meet them where they are.
  • Require respect for your child’s identity with immediate and extended family members. Unfortunately, we don’t always have the power to change people’s opinions or beliefs, but we can set clear boundaries and expectations for the way they interact and communicate with our children. Being intentional about cultivating an atmosphere of security and support at home promotes resilience and emotional well-being for your child.

For me, Pride month has always served as a joyful reminder that there are so many different ways to love. Loving our children feels easy, but sometimes knowing how to help them can be challenging. Family Service of Glencoe is available to assist families in learning how to best support one another. We have therapists experienced in providing affirming clinical care for children, teens, young adults, and their families. Contact us through our website at www.familyserviceofglencoe.org, or call us at 847-835-5111 for consultation, resources, and/or counseling services.

This article is adapted by Tara Bagnola, LCSW, FSG Staff Therapist, from Gender Spectrum’s Supportive Parenting guide. Additional resources can be found at https://genderspectrum.org/articles/supportive-parenting

The Importance of Spring Break by Sonia Mistry, Clinical Student Intern

As so many in our community journeyed out on Spring Break, it’s important for parents to remember that this isn’t a time just for kids to take a break. The beginning of Spring marks a time when we are just starting to venture back out into the world after a long, cold Winter. It can be an especially stressful time when planning for the rest of the year and beginning to juggle more social activities. Taking a break for yourself this time of year is especially important to rest, reset, and realign your goals for yourself and your family.

Not everyone has the time or budget to take a full vacation this time of year. Luckily, there are still lots of other ways to take a break. Taking an hour or two to yourself every day for a week can be immensely rejuvenating. Here are a few ideas for inspiration:

– Try taking a “vacation” with that interesting book that’s been waiting on your shelf.
– Is there a relaxing hobby you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t had the chance to lately? Pottery, painting, or playing an instrument are wonderful ways to reconnect with creativity, which is inherently restorative.
– If you’ve been missing feeling connected to people, now might be a good time to reach out and catch up with old friends.
– If you and your partner are used to cooking dinner every evening, try taking a week off and ordering in food.
– On the other hand, if cooking dinner with your family sounds like a fun way to bond, try out some new recipes together.
– Finally, maybe it’s time to try a week of restorative yoga classes and meditation.

However you decide to take a break, try to make sure it’s a restorative activity. This means doing something that leaves you feeling energized rather than depleted. Watching TV or scrolling through your phone might be a tempting way to take time off, but disconnecting in these ways is often not truly restful and may leave you feeling the same as before.

Finally, not only is taking a break good for you, but it is also a responsible parenting decision. Children learn by observing patterns of behavior and communication in their parents. What better way to show them that it’s acceptable to take a break than by taking one yourself? By modeling self-care for your kids, they learn healthy patterns of behavior. Whatever it means to you, finding a way to take time to yourself in the coming weeks is a way to benefit both you and your family.

How to Have a Healthy Relationship with Food by Stephanie Amundson, Staff Therapist

Forming a healthy relationship with food takes conscious effort, but it is possible. This relationship includes relaxed eating, choosing preferences over positions, and practicing balance and flexibility in your eating. These principles will let you feel more at peace with food, as well as help you recognize and stop unhealthy habits.

Relaxed eating is the ability to be at ease with the social, emotional and physical components of food and eating. Relaxed eating is attuned to the body’s hungers and intuitively provides for its needs. It is the ability to listen and satisfy your hunger allowing for pleasurable and whimsical eating with flexibility and the absence of remorse. It allows you to eat when you are hungry and stop when you are satisfied. It affords you the choice of eating more or less differently than usual without judgement, punishment or the need to compensate.

Not every preference fits every situation, and it would be inappropriate to not change your decisions when you’re in a different environment or circumstance. Food exists by the same rules. Of course, it’s natural to have a favorite dessert or restaurant. But if specific foods become your only options, your mindset might be one of obsession. Rigid habits, such as only eating certain foods, can quickly turn your preferences into positions and leave you stuck. “Positions” refers to inflexible spots where you feel you have no other choice but to do what you’ve created as a habit. Instead, eating should be a balanced activity that is neither the best nor the worst part of a day. You should enjoy the foods you consume but not worship them. Flexibility, exhibited through the willingness to forego a preference temporarily, is an essential aspect of a healthy relationship with food. Preferences need to remain just that, and not become an unflinching regimen.

The phrase “everything in moderation” is highly applicable–there is in fact a place for everything in your eating. In addition to variation in type of food, balance indicates an ability to eat both for pleasure and for hunger. Both types of eating are extremely important for your health. Eating for hunger is great because it nourishes your body and helps keep things running the way they should be. Ignoring hunger cues is a dangerous habit that can lead to more disordered eating patterns and health consequences. Eating for pleasure is just as important as eating for hunger because, well, it’s pleasurable! Some foods just taste good.

Flexibility is another key aspect of a healthy relationship with food. It refers to the absence of strict rules surrounding eating and food habits. Rather, there is more of an ability to “go with the flow” and accept deviations from preferred foods as a natural part of life, instead of viewing those deviations as a judgment of yourself or your worth.

If you or someone you love struggles with having an unhealthy relationship with food, please contact FSG at (847)-835-5111 for a free and confidential conversation with a trained clinician. Available now!