Navigating Trauma with Children by Alex Ochoa, LCSW
As we approach the first anniversary of the Highland Park shooting, we want parents to feel equipped with the knowledge and tools to help their children navigate stressors and trauma; whether it’s directly experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event or hearing about it from someone close to them. Initial reactions to trauma can include exhaustion, confusion, sadness, anxiety, agitation, numbness, confusion, and withdrawal, among other emotions. These reactions are not only present right after the traumatic event. In many cases, these reactions may appear weeks, months, or even years after the event has occurred. It is especially important for parents and caregivers to be conscious of their own reactions and to process through them. This will allow parents to be able to also manage their children’s reactions.
Parents and caregivers, it’s important to check in with kids, especially if you notice the following signs:
- Worry
- Anxiety
- Sadness
- Avoidance
- Changes in appetite/sleep
- Changes in mood
- Anger outbursts
If you notice these symptoms or changes, find a quiet moment to ask your child how they are feeling or whether there is anything on their mind. Let them know you’ve noticed that something is going on and that you want to help. If you suspect a connection to a current or past event, it’s ok to ask them if they might have thoughts or feelings about it that they need to talk about.
When engaging in conversation with your children, tailor your answers to your child’s developmental level. Younger children may need simple, concrete explanations, while older children may require more detail. Be honest but avoid overwhelming them with information they may not be ready to handle. For younger children, you may need to repeat your answers multiple times, keep it consistent, and answer their question as many times as needed. Validate their feelings and encourage them to express their emotions and thoughts, acknowledging their fears and concerns. Let them know that it is normal to feel scared or worried. Discuss safety measures in place at their school, community, or public spaces. Reassure your child that many people work hard to keep them safe. Encourage your children to practice deep breathing exercises or to engage in an activity that they enjoy.
Sometimes, adults are surprised that kids bring up questions and memories of an event year after year. For some children, hearing the same story over and over can help them develop a feeling of mastery over it and helps them place the event firmly in the past and not as something currently happening. For other kids and teens, they need new answers as they develop intellectually and emotionally. What worked when they were younger may not work for them as they mature.
Celebrating Holidays with Sensitivity: Prioritize open and honest discussions about holiday celebrations. Let your child express any fears or concerns they may have and involve them in planning decisions. Ensure your child feels safe during holiday celebrations. Consider hosting smaller gatherings or celebrating within familiar settings to minimize stress and anxiety. Engage in activities that foster connection and emotional healing, such as creating gratitude journals, making crafts, or volunteering as a family for a charitable cause. If your child’s trauma symptoms persist or worsen during holidays, consider seeking guidance from a mental health professional who specializes in working with children.
Remember that trauma reactions can vary in everyone; what affects one child may not affect another. By recognizing the signs of trauma, answering difficult questions with sensitivity, and adapting holiday celebrations accordingly, you can provide vital support and help your child navigate their healing journey.