Friendship is crucial to our mental wellbeing, no matter our age. These connections enrich our lives with mutual support and enjoyment. We need these relationships to help us manage the stressors of everyday (and not so everyday) life. But what do we do if our friend is what we are stressed about? 

The answers are surprisingly similar, regardless of our age: 

1. Open the door 
   Let your friend know you are worried about them. Try to do this in a non-judgmental way. Remember your goal is to get them to talk to you, not to make them feel bad for letting you down as a friend. Some ideas to think about, “I’m worried about you. I’ve noticed X and Y has happened recently and I wanted to let you know that I’m here for you” or “I get worried when I hear you say “X and Y. Can we talk about it?
2. Just listen
   Easier said than done.  When someone we care about is upset, it’s natural to want to spring into action to make things better. Try to curb that impulse by just listening and offering emotional support. Often, that’s exactly what our friends need to feel better, just to know someone cares enough to listen.
3. Pay attention to your gut
   You may not be a mental health professional, but you probably know your friend better than a lot of people. If your friend’s challenges seem like more than you can hold alone or if you are feeling worried about your friend’s safety, bring in more support. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text The National Crisis Text Line at 741741.
4. Encourage your friend to get help
   There are many screening tools from Mental Health America at https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/. Your friend can reach out to FSG for counseling or referrals.
5. Make sure you have support
   It is so easy, and normal, to feel stressed when a friend is struggling. Talk to someone you trust: a parent, coach, your sibling, and or your own therapist. Try not to talk to mutual friends or acquaintances unless they also know what your friend is going through.  

It may be difficult to bring these things up with a friend. Doing so shows that friend how much you care. When they’re feeling better, your friendship may be stronger because you took the time and energy to look out for them.  

As we pass through the vernal equinox and welcome Spring, we also recognize Alcohol Awareness Month. With the renewed energy and hope that comes with Spring, it is an opportunity to reflect on our relationship with alcohol. I call it a relationship because the ways in which we discuss and use alcohol does have the potential to impact our lives and the lives of our loved ones.  This introspection is appropriate for both adults and children and is especially pertinent for teenagers who are regularly confronted with difficult choices around their peers. The National Institute of Health’s Monitoring the Future Survey found 55.3% of high school seniors had consumed alcohol in the past year. So, how do we begin these conversations?

It is important to recognize first and foremost that alcohol is not inherently “bad.” In fact, we have seen literature suggesting that the polyphenols in red wine may help protect the lining of blood vessels in our hearts, but only when consumed in moderation. We might wonder then, what can we do as individuals and parents to help increase awareness around the impact of alcohol use on the developing mind? There is an abundance of literature that discusses the negative impact alcohol use has on the developing mind. As caregivers, there is much that we can do to support our youth in making healthy choices. Ultimately, it starts with making healthy choices for ourselves, as our children look to us as models for how to navigate the world.

It is important to consider how we speak about alcohol in the house and what messages we send to our children – are parents drinking every day after work? The all too often stated “What a day! I need a drink!” can carry heavy weight when spoken in front of a child or teenager, who undoubtedly looks up to their caregivers and may emulate them. Careful introspection of our own behavior, verbal and actions delivers a strong message to our impressionable children. While our children may “rebel” overtly by insinuating that our behavior toward alcohol is either too restrictive or too liberal, our conduct makes an indelible impression that often serves a guide to how our children develop their own relationship with alcohol. The trite advice of “moderation” may not be trite at all but a good model for all.

What does this mean exactly? It means that if you have a phone or computer you can meet with a therapist for a therapy session. It means that you can schedule the session at your convenience. It means that if you’re in- network with BCBS PPO of Illinois or Medicare, your sessions are covered.

More importantly, it means that if you’re feeling anxious, depressed, out of sorts, frustrated or isolated, FSG is here to help.

Does teletherapy really work? The answer is yes. While most therapists and clients prefer in-person sessions, Covid-19 has forced us to rethink telehealth. Clients and therapists report feeling a connection that was once thought to have occurred only through in-person sessions.

FSG currently offers therapy sessions through a HIPPA -approved video platform. Client feedback is overwhelmingly positive because telehealth is incredibly flexible. Senior clients report liking the fact that they don’t have to find a parking space. Teens like that they can close their bedroom door and meet with a therapist in private. Parents can meet either during the day, or after the kids have gone to bed.
If you’ve been wondering whether now is the right time to explore therapy for yourself or a family member, give us a call.

Cal 847/835-5111 OR kathy@familyserviceofglencoe.org

By Emily Mysel LCSW FSG Senior Program Manager

For many older adults during this pandemic, their ability to connect with the outside world has been limited. Over the past two months, older adults, who are residing in independent and assisted living communities and skilled nursing facilities, have had limited social interactions. They have only been able to have direct contact with staff, home health care aides, and other employees in order to protect the safety and well-being of their communities. These safety restrictions have been very difficult for families as they miss their loved ones and find it difficult to help from afar.
Here are some ways to reach out to your loved ones residing in communities:
Write letters and encourage your friends and family to write letters:
Share something on your social media account like “My mom/dad has been in quarantine since March and hasn’t stepped out of her/his apartment. If you have a few minutes and would consider sending a card or note with good wishes it may help to fill all those lonely hours.”

Speak to a staff member (i.e. activities coordinator, social worker) about helping your loved one Facetime or Zoom and discuss ways to incorporate it into their weekly schedule.
For many communities, staff are helping to set up and guide the older adult during the call or are teaching the older adult so he/she can learn to do it independently.

Send care packages of things your loved ones enjoy:
Activities: Sudoku, crossword puzzles, ad libs, word searches, adult coloring books
Food/Treats: hard candy, chocolate, pretzels, cookies
Reminiscing Activities: creating picture albums, music (cds)
Personal Hygiene and Essentials: lotion, hand sanitizer, soap, disinfectant wipes, towel papers, paper towels

Establish and coordinate weekly calls
There are volunteers and agencies that have established weekly calls to seniors. Argentium Senior Connections in Evanston is a weekly friendly call program. For more information contact: Mary Ellen Viskocil, Program Manager, at 847-869-0682.
Rotate between family members and assign them a day to call and check in with your loved one.

Visit outside:
Sit outside your loved one’s window (even if it’s just for 5 minutes).
Put signs outside the window so they have words of encouragement or pictures to look at.

Unfortunately, for some older adults living in communities, they are not able to participate in these activities and that’s why it’s even more essential to check in with the staff and get updates. Collaborate and find ways that you can provide the opportunity be part of your loved one’s life from a distance.

If you have a loved one who resides in a community or an older adult who lives at home and need recommendations and/or support, please contact Emily Mysel, LCSW, Senior Program Manager at 847-835-5111

Emily’s sons visiting their great-grandparents at their independent living community in Wilmette.