Pride Month by Tara Bagnola, LCSW, Staff Therapist

In the course of my work as a therapist, I’ve had the opportunity to witness the multitude of ways people can show up for one another, especially within a family. I’m often reminded of one of my mom’s favorite adages: “parenting doesn’t come with a manual.” Each of us simply does our best to navigate the wonderful complexities that accompany parenthood with the tools we have available. Just as we may not always know what our crying newborn needs to be soothed, it’s not always clear how to support your child in exactly the way they need. For families with gender expansive or queer kids, that can sometimes feel like an even more nebulous challenge. The good news, however, is research indicates that the single most important thing parents can do for their child, regardless of their gender expression or sexual identity, is allow them to be exactly who they are. Recognizing that this may be simpler in theory than practice and will likely look different across families, here are a few practices you can utilize to create an atmosphere of support for the gender expansive or queer youth in your life:

 

• Don’t make parenting decisions from a place of fear. Instead, take steps to explore and confront your own anxieties about your child’s identity. Reflect on opportunities for you to demonstrate acceptance rather than a wish to change – even when it comes from a place of love or protection.
• Embrace the fluidity and dynamism that often accompanies exploration of sexual identity or gender expression. Recognizing that this is likely an ongoing process, and allowing our kids the freedom to not fit neatly into any category while they’re learning about themselves is an invaluable way to meet them where they are.
• Require respect for your child’s identity with immediate and extended family members. Unfortunately, we don’t always have the power to change people’s opinions or beliefs, but we can set clear boundaries and expectations for the way they interact and communicate with our children. Being intentional about cultivating an atmosphere of security and support at home promotes resilience and emotional well-being for your child.

For me, Pride month has always served as a joyful reminder that there are so many different ways to love. Loving our children feels easy, but sometimes knowing how to help them can be challenging. Family Service of Glencoe is available to assist families in learning how to best support one another. We have therapists experienced in providing affirming clinical care for children, teens, young adults, and their families. Contact us through our website at www.familyserviceofglencoe.org, or call us at 847-835-5111 for consultation, resources, and/or counseling services.

This article is adapted by Tara Bagnola, LCSW, FSG Staff Therapist, from Gender Spectrum’s Supportive Parenting guide. Additional resources can be found at https://genderspectrum.org/articles/supportive-parenting